Nobody understands their customer like Range Rover

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch) 12/06/2018 at 18:55 • Filed to: Range Rover, Evoque, Ramp rated

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Say you’re all dressed up and on your way to your favorite tunnel for your hip tunnel party that all your friends are into now. Oh no! Someone has thoughtlessly placed ramps at high angles at the entrance . We’ve all been there am I right? Thankfully you’re driving the 2020 Range Rover Evoque which handily dispatches the ramps with its sophisticated chassis designed specifically for urban exploration. “Amaze Balls! ” you probably say because it’ s the kind of 3 year old expression you still think is appropriate. Amaze balls indeed! But what’ s this?! This ramp is exactly the kind of ramp that stopped me last year in my lesser luxury crossover, but you know this 23 .3 degree ramp is no match for your sophisticated AWD system. This is exactly what this machine was made to do and its thriving!

Oh, that wasn’t even the right way? how embarrassing, thankfully no harm done. Its getting late though, you wonder if they’ll have started the Artisanal wood selection without you! Aha a shortcut, right up on to the empty coal cars. Coal is such a filthy business . you’re glad you’ re bathed in chic british elegance instead and yet you can’t help wonder if there is someone you can ask about upcycling those railroad ties, they would look so retro vintage in your microbrew man cave. GASP! A POOL! Thankfully no more than 500 mm. 500 mm! I can’t believe what an absolute animal this is!

More railroads? Maybe you misread the theme tonight? N o matter ? H ave to go over it... probably! Wow you can see through the floor! This railroad mishap is turned into the perfect and perhaps only opportunity to use this disrupting off-road technology.  What could have been a disaster turns out to be a real adventure, somehow perfectly suited to the rugged nature of the new 2020 Range Rover Evoque!  Now where is everyone?  Damn and Blast.  Wrong tunnel.  

Spanfeller is a twat > HammerheadFistpunch 12/06/2018 at 19:00

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I know most stuff looks less impressive in Camera but like... Half of that shit are just obstacles I have to clear on a day to day basis with my car.

I once was asked by a police officer to crawl a god-damn sidewalk in order to flank a roadwork.

Surprisingly my rims have zero bashings... something I can’t say of lesser drivers.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > HammerheadFistpunch 12/06/2018 at 19:03

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I could do all of that in my Mazda3 because I have snow tires.

jasmits > HammerheadFistpunch 12/06/2018 at 19:04

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This is a thing that happens daily in my life as a Range Rover owner. 

vicali > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 12/06/2018 at 19:08

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I could do it upside-down : Subaru with Blizzaks..

Rainbow > HammerheadFistpunch 12/06/2018 at 19:10

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I dunno, Kia did a good job selling cars to hamsters. They pretty much cornered the rodent market.

Nibby > HammerheadFistpunch 12/06/2018 at 19:21

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nice ford explorer

Tristan > HammerheadFistpunch 12/06/2018 at 19:22

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Wow... I know my $1500 22 year old Jeep Cherokee would certainly w ither and die in the face of such #urban #obstacles. My wife’s RAV 4, on the other hand, could tackle this nonsense with ease and it’s not even a remotely go od vehicle.

mr2gud2u > HammerheadFistpunch 12/06/2018 at 20:31

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I get what they are going for , but its just not impressive.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > HammerheadFistpunch 12/06/2018 at 20:48

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It’s still off-roading if you’re not on a road.

The hills don’t look like much more than you’d encounter in your average parking garage that’s been shoehorned under a 70 year old building. 

wafflesnfalafel > Rainbow 12/06/2018 at 21:35

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sold a bunch of those too...

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > HammerheadFistpunch 12/06/2018 at 21:50

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Shame is that as good as Land Rover are at selling the things (and they are good at it)...they are diametrically as appalling at the after sales work required to keep the damn things running in a manner that befits their status as a premium vehicle.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Rainbow 12/06/2018 at 22:01

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So is Range Rover going after the "me too" lemming market?

AuthiCooper1300 > HammerheadFistpunch 12/07/2018 at 07:16

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In Paris there is (or at least there used to be) a peculiar bunch of people who organise film sessions... in abandoned tunnels. Not exactly illegal, although not quite licit either.

However, I have never heard their meetings included underground urban t r i a l l i n g .

functionoverfashion > HammerheadFistpunch 12/07/2018 at 10:07

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This is like the sweet female vocal sample of a rap song, without all the rap song behind it. A B ond movie intro, at 1/4 speed without any guns or bad guys.